03: How to be Kinder (not Nicer), with Dr. Kelli Harding
This is Sara, and I remember the time 20 years ago when I got schooled by a psychoanalyst. It must have been the fall, because I was supremely agitated that I was having to write, design, and send holiday cards out to a huge list of people all by myself, without the help of my fiancé. If you know me, you know that cards were a staple of my winter growing up, with cards from my parents’ friends stapled onto long felt ribbons hanging down each doorway, surrounding us with love and smiling faces for weeks on end. The therapist asked if I could just not do them, if it was annoying me so much, and my instant fury was revealed: Are you kidding? I have to send these cards out, it’s the nice thing to do!! Cut to the point, and it’s this - nice according to who? Nice for whom? Certainly not nice for me, if I were going to be resentful and pissy about it. I came to terms with the fact that I actually just really enjoyed writing and sending cards out to people who warmed my heart that year, and that my partner wasn’t a nice person for not agreeing to send these cards out with me.
But it leads us to ask this. What do we mean by niceness - and what, more importantly, is its not-as-related-as-it-seems and so much more important character trait of kindness? How can understanding this difference and leaning into kindness help us be better people?
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Ep. 02: How to Become a Radical Listener, with Robert Biswas-Diener and Christian van Nieuwerburgh
One of the ways that we believe we can be better humans is to actually listen to each other - not just nod along when we watch people’s mouths move, or wait impatiently for someone to finish their thought before we can jump in and say what we’ve been dying to say - but actually listen to what they’re saying, take a moment to reflect on that, and respond. Perhaps you ask a clarifying question, perhaps you share a reflection, perhaps you simply agree and ask for more details. Regardless of your response, if you’re really listening, people will know and will see you in a better light as a result.
If you’re curious about how to be a better listener, we offer two experts on the topic who help us understand: What do you mean by radical listening?
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Ep. 01: Welcome to What Do You Mean By That?
We have a big announcement! We have rebranded and are now known as the podcast, What Do You Mean By That?
If you’ve listened to our former show, Dear White Women, you know that What do you mean by that? has been one of our favorite questions to use to interrupt people in a healthy way, spur on conversation, and cue ourselves to listen.
Our purpose has always been to help our society realize that it’s all of us or none of us. That a world that is good for those who are most systematically oppressed is a world that’s good for all of us. After 272 episodes, we’ve come to understand just how intertwined the systems are that hold us together and keep us apart.
This is a show dedicated to helping folks talk smarter and think deeper about the world around us - even when information is flying at us at warp speed. We will not let the fire hose overwhelm us. Whether it’s about science, history, current events, social justice, or more, our community consists of people who want to be better humans, and we want to explore all the conversations in a succinct way so we can cut to the chase and help us all be better, together, for all of us.
We can’t wait to keep asking, along with you: What do you mean by that?
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